If you don’t ask, you don’t get. This is a simple yet truthful phrase. Many times we function as though other people know what we are thinking and feeling or we believe that they SHOULD know simply because we are in proximity to each other. We can apply this to friendships, relationships and family. The truth is people do not foten know what we want until we say something or ask. It can be difficult for many of us to ask for what we want because of our own hang ups but it’s important to understand what limits us in our thinking in order to be free enough to ask for what we want and deserve.
5 Ways to Ask Intelligently and Specifically
Ask for what you want using specific words and language. Your ask should be purposeful and should be intended to change your world and the world around you. If you are having trouble figuring out what you want then it is important for you to get out into the world and live, observe others and figure out what you want and don’t want your life to look like. Gravitate towards the things that makes your soul sing and then pursue that life.
Don’t expect to get something from someone when you are not willing to give anything back. In life, reciprocity is important for growth. You give to get and vice versa.
Create Value. Need I say more? If you are easily replaceable then do more in order to make sure that your knowledge and skill level top notch. Become an expert in your field.
Ask with certainty and conviction.
Please always remember that there is no expiration date on pursuing the things that you desire, no matter your age or circumstance. Every single day you wake up and open your eyes you are granted a new day . You can try again, start new or simply make a small change to help improve your overall life. Ask for what you want, believe that you can have it and make a small change or action daily to help get you to your goal.
Ask an expert or someone with the results that you desire. Who is your mentor, expert or someone you look to for reliable answers?
You know the adage, if you could do anything without fear of failure, what would you do? The reality of it is you would think in a state of the “sky’s the limit.” You would have no inhibitions because you would have no fear. I know, this state of mind is not one that most think is grounded in reality but the truth is that your Kindergarten Teacher was right. You can be whatever you want to be.
If you desire anything enough then there is a sauce, which isn’t much of a secret because it’s outlined in a million self help books, to making it happen:
Make the commitment to accomplishing your desired goal.
Take whatever action necessary to make it true or to achieve your goal.
Avoid duplicating any patterns you know from experience that will not work. If it’s broke, fix it. You learn through failure so failure isn’t a negative. Failure is only a negative if we do not heed it’s lesson.
Adjust your plan when you see that it is not garnering the desired results.
Don’t be afraid to change. Changing course and directions while planning is a part of most of the best plans.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that this will be a breeze. Nothing worth having comes easy. I mean, life teaches us that. My Jamaican granny’s favorite saying is, “if you want good den yuh nose haffi run.” Translated this means that if you want something bad enough then expect to work hard for it. Hard work isn’t always laborious work by the way so do not mistaken the word “hard” for labor. Hard work may be changing habits that stand in your way of gaining success. I find for most people changing habits, including either adding to or taking away from positive or negative behaviors, some of our is the hardest work.
When I use the term “addiction”, I am not using it in the traditional sense of the word. I am not referring to a drug or alcohol addiction. Those addictions are very much in your face and society knows the ills of those addictions. We have centers and rehab clinics for those addictions. We have a societal understanding of them. The addictions that I am referring to are addictions that can also destroy hopes and dreams but are not really recognized and admonished by society. They are:
The Addiction to the Opinion of Others.
The Addiction to the Past.
The Addiction to Worry.
The Addiction to Drama.
Do these addictions sound familiar? If they do then fear not. They are familiar to most of us. It is what makes us human but please believe that we cannot hold on to these addictions if you plan to move on and be a fluid (constantly changing) person.
The first step in conquering these addictions is being honest with yourself and really own up to the addiction. Which is the addiction that sets you back the most? Meaning, which one of these addictions is causing you to be stagnant and not make the progress that you want to make in relationships, career and health? I’ll own up to being addicted to the past and in a deep relationship with the addiction to worry. I’m working on releasing them both. I am always telling myself that things work themselves out and Kendrick reminds me that, “we gon be alright.” The past, well, I want to leave it all right there; In the past. I don’t want to constantly dredge up old stuff in my relationship. We are getting older and I want to enjoy the relationship that I am in and stay in the moment. The older I get the more I realize that the moments are fleeting. I want a life that belongs to the ages.